Self: Hey Laura, remember that time when you chose a paint color for the exterior of your home?
Me: Well, no. I don’t. I’ve never committed to a color.
S: Oh that’s right. You’re still looking. Hey-remember that time when you took the kids to an appointment and you liked the color of the door on the practitioner’s office? You snapped a photo really quick before stepping inside.
M: Why, yes--I remember. That door was a great color.
S: And what about that walk you had with Mari? You clandestinely snapped photos of other people’s homes in the hope that they wouldn’t notice. I bet you looked pretty creepy out there on the sidewalk, standing in front of strangers’ homes and snapping photos. They were probably a little freaked out.
M: [chuckle]. I guess I did look pretty funny. But I didn't let the creep factor stop me. It was an educational field trip.
S: There was that beautiful night last summer when you & Greg went out to Colectivo, remember? Rather than spending quality time with your husband, you positioned yourself to take a photo of the trim so that you could capture the most accurate color.
M: Well yes, I did do that. But after I took a bunch of photos and ensured that I had gotten a good depiction of that gray-green, we settled right in to a great conversation. I made sure I sat facing the building so that I could watch the color change as the sun set.
S: There was the trip to Florida too. You snapped a quick photo as you were walking into Restoration Hardware.
M: Yes, but it was too gray for my house.
S: There was the car ride downtown and you made Greg drive around the block twice very slowly so that you could snap a photo of this building:
M: I purchased a paint pot of that color but it was too green for my house. The color of that building is more limestone and I have a brown-yellow brick. [Sigh].
S: Of course, you've done a fair share of rubbernecking & pulling over to the side of the road to take photos. I bet the people behind you just love your erratic driving, huh?
M: Yes, perhaps I rubbernecked and drove a bit crazy from time to time while checking out colors. But surely if the people behind me knew my predicament, they'd understand.
S: And what is your predicament?
M: If you knew anything at all, you'd know that my brick is not quite brown or yellow. And the mortar is pink. Pink! What am I supposed to do with pink mortar?!?! Who else on earth has to deal with this?! I demand to know what colors they chose.
S: Sheesh. Settle down. You have two years of debate on this issue. I just assumed you would have it settled by now.
M: You seem a little judgy to me.
S: Not judging. Just observing. I see that you have over 200 pins on your Pinterest board.
M: Yes, I do. But not a single one of those colors looked great with my brick/mortar combination.
S: And because Pinterest left you unfulfilled, you started looking at real estate listings for ideas.
M: Yup. I thought it was pretty brilliant.
S: Not a single one of those worked for you, so you turned every excursion downtown into a color sightseeing tour.
M: You bet I did. There's a lot of yellow-y brick downtown. None of those colors worked out though.
S: You drove by the chocolatier storefront in the Fifth Ward and liked the color so much that you called the store, remember? That was a little weird.
M: I did call and was connected to the person who chose the colors for the store. He told me the exact colors! I felt like I was talking to a celebrity.
S: Surely those colors worked out for you?
M: No, one was too purple and the other wasn't deep enough.
S: Some may think you're being a bit too picky and neurotic about this. Others may think you've venturing off into some kind of mental health crisis.
M: Certainly not. I will be finished with this nonsense as soon as I find the perfect color palette.
S: You mentioned palette. At first you thought green would be a good fit, but for the past year and a half, you've been on a quest for the perfect blue-gray. Do you think a perfect palette exists?
M: I am certain it does. But I've switched off of the quest for blue-gray. It doesn't work with my mortar.
S: So what is your color quest now?
M: Dusty pink.
S: You're kidding.
M: Nope. But if anyone ever refers to my house as "that pink house" I will punch them square in the nose. It will obviously be not pink, but a dusty-pink-hued neutral.
The End.
